боишься - не делай, делаешь - не бойся!
it's kinda waiting all the time, just walking around without being moved... just sitting with yourself and hoping that one moment - psh!!!- your dream will become true. And at the same time to understand that 99% you won't get it. It sucks. And you have nothing left but to look backwards, and what you see is you, but happy and flying, feeling butterflies in your stomach and smiling, and knowing that your life is complete and you have nothing to worry about. And you turn back into present and just find out that you are.. you know... lost. Or missing something. Someone. And you're trying to understand - how could it happen with you, but you can't. And it sucks even more. And you have no idea - why everything's going wrong, when you are the same and why do you get smth you don't need. But what you need is still far far away. And at this point you are not so sure, that some day it will approach. And you think - why? why is it so? what is damn wrong with you? You're not ugly, you're clever, you're funny, positive, nice, sexy - so what's wrong? and at these moments it seems like there's no hope. And it sucks the worst.